sTiLl?

I'm still dealing with P. is so hard to leave my feelings on the side and just keep going, I'd ran away from my feelings so many times, so this time I don't wanna do it, but @ what price? the price to be sad and crying for P. being depressed almost everyday, just waiting for the answer falling out from the sky, I have to do something about it, honestly I'm getting sick of this every fucking day, the mini dramas, the bad feelings, the anger, the madness, the emptiness, the loneliness... all those are killing me slowly.... dunno for how long can keep doing this.
I want P. in my life but then I don't want P. in my life. I love P. one second then I hate P. for days, I want to hear P's voice and then when I've got it, can't take it anymore.... So I'm in limbo just rite in the middle... I miss P. next to me, but can't trust him @ all, his words are like a bunch of lies in my head, but how I can't take all this feelings away?.
I hope can find the switch to turn it off.... but I can't be without P, but can't be with P... there's is the dilemma.
I'am the only one to get out of this so I know I want too, but I don't know how.

"Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you